Fat Bastard
by Mick Howell
Summary: Gendry attends his first Baratheon family get-together. A spin-off of "Fawn"


ASOIAF: Modern!AU

Fat Bastard

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

Summary: Gendry attends his first Baratheon family get-together. A spin off of "Fawn".

* * *

Aunt Selyse took him clothes shopping. Gendry figured it was because she didn't like the ones he already owned. It wasn't as if he had out grown any of the clothes he already had before moving in with her and Uncle Stannis six months ago. But Aunt Selyse was always getting on him for wearing jeans with holes in them, Gendry didn't see the problem. Lots of kids at his school wore ripped jeans—they were in style lately—and what did she expect him to wear? He went to an art school where half his day was spent painting, gluing, and recently, welding sculptures and portraits. He always came home, back to the Dragonstone Estate, covered in partially dried paint and in desperate need of a shower. His clothes always got dirty, so why bother wearing nice ones to school?

But one Friday morning, Selyse told him that she would be picking him after school to take him shopping, which had surprised him. But he nodded his head and chewed on his bacon, and slipped the last of his eggs onto little Shireen's plate. Either she didn't mind or didn't notice, because the nine year old never looked up from the book she had hidden under the table in her lap.

He's even more surprised when Selyse really does show up outside his school after final bell. She's standing, back ramrod straight, next to an awaiting cab just out front. Gendry stops on the front steps of the school for a moment to stare. But Selyse sees him and gives him a look clearly meant as a reprimand for doddling, so he hurries over to the cab and slips inside.

Selyse tells the diver to some street name that Gendry vaguely recognized. He used to walk to school, all the way from Fleabottom, up Visenya's Hill, and to Steel Street. The school is located right near the top, practically right next door to the Great Sept of Baelor.

The driver dropped them off right outside some boutique, and Gendry cringed inwardly because the front window displays had manikins dressed in frilly summer clothes in them. One unfortunate, faceless doll was dressed in a sailor suit.

Gendry briefly wondered if he could out run Selyse, but as he sized her up with a sideways glance as they entered the building, he saw she had some pretty long legs and wasn't overweight by any means, so it would probably be best not to risk it. Besides, even if he did manage to lose her, she'd just call Uncle Stannis and he'd get grounded.

So he entered Hell of Planetos without so much as a struggle and followed Selyse to the counter, where a pretty middle aged woman stood, smiling.

"Mrs. Baratheon," The woman said with a wide smile that Gendry thought was faker than her nails. "Right on time, as usual. Is this the boy we spoke on the phone about?" She asked, giving Gendry a brief glance.

"Yes, Myra, this is him. My brother-in-law is having a dinner party and Gendry needs some proper attire." Selyse said. Gendry couldn't help looking at her with confusion. Why was he just finding out about this now? He wondered, but then again, he shouldn't have been that surprised. Selyse and Stannis had little to do with him besides the mandatory stuff. They went to the meetings at school when the new semester started, met all his teachers, and they made him give them a list of contacts for all his friends and parents, and even took him to get all his vaccines updated over the summer, because all his old ones turned valid once he turned twelve. They did all the things required of them as his legal guardians. But not much else.

In the last six months since his mother's death, he had had all of two personal conversations with Stannis. One regarding his mother's death, which Stannis offered some moral support throughout Gendry's mourning period and the funeral preparations. And then when earlier in the summer, he'd given Gendry "The Talk", which was something Gendry really, really didn't want to remember.

Myra led him and Selyse through the racks of clothing, taking shirts and pants off their hangers to show to Selyse and hold up against Gendry's body for proper inspection. Gendry kept his mouth shut most of the time, only ever saying anything when Myra asked what colors he liked the best and if he liked long or short sleeves better. Eventually they had a pile of clothes for him to try on in the dressing room.

It took over an hour to get through said pile, and by the time they were done, Selyse had picked out three complete outfits for Gendry to add to his limited wardrobe. It was basically just the same pair of slacks in three different color (black, grey, and beige), a white pleated shirt, a blue polo, and yellow sweater that Gendry thought was the dorkiest thing in the world but Selyse seemed to love.

They returned back to Dragonstone just as Stannis was returning home from work. Their cab pulled up the front drive of the house just as Stannis' car did. Selyse had Gendry show Stannis all the clothes they'd gotten him, which only made Stannis nod and say they were suitable.

Gendry tried to ask about the party over dinner, but Stannis and Selyse both only gave vague answers—and somewhat irritable sounding ones—about it being something that no one in the family actually wanted but was kind of required so that the press couldn't complain about their family any more than usual, and it was just another excuse from Robert to get drunk and stuff himself with food until he passes out. It was set to take place on Sunday. And Gendry had to come because he was only twelve and Sunday was the servants' days off so he couldn't stay home all by his self.

Gendry was not looking forward to the party.

* * *

The cab they took to Robert's house arrived at six o'clock on the dot. Gendry stared at first. It was a big red house, one that officially was owned by the city and used to house the Mayor and his family, but it was amazing. He climbed out of the cab right after Stannis did and was followed shortly after by Shireen and Selyse.

They walked up to the front door of the house silently, and Stannis rang the doorbell with a grim expression, as he was marching to war and not dinner. The door was opened a moment later by a man whose appearance made Gendry gape. He was like Gendry less than ten years from now. He had to be a relative of his, Gendry quickly figured. But he was too young to be Robert himself, and too old to be Joffrey. Was he another one of Gendry's many half-brothers? But wait, Gendry's mother, and even Stannis, had told him that he was the oldest son of Robert. So who was this man who stood before him? A time-traveler?

"Stannis," The young man said with an easy smile that seemed as if it were more just one of his natural features, as unchanging as the shape of his nose or eye color, than from actual joy at seeing Stannis Baratheon. "You made it." He said, with just the smallest touch of disappointment in his voice.

"Hello, Renly." Stannis replied gruffly as he stepped inside as Renly stepped aside for him to come in. Selyse and Shireen followed, but Gendry stood there a moment longer, looking up at the young man, Renly, with wariness. Renly looked at him with plain confusion.

"Who is this one?" Renly asked. "Last time I checked, Shireen was an only child." He said. Stannis looked back from where he was handing his coat to a maid to hang.

"That's Gendry. Robert's oldest." He replied. Renly's eyes widened with surprise and he looked down at Gendry with a minor gape.

"Really? What's he doing with you then. Surely his mother—"

"She's died." Gendry cut him off. "Six months ago. After a car crash." He added. "I live with Uncle Stannis now." And Renly just looked at him, half-apologetic, half-taken aback. Then he just nodded and Gendry entered the house and took off his coat, revealing the awful yellow sweater Selyse insisted he wear, and handed it to a maid.

He followed his uncles blindly, wondering where exactly they'd go—straight to the dinner table maybe, to a parlor, the back yard?—and they entered a living room that was virtually silent except a low murmur of conversation and childish giggles. In an armchair by a grand fireplace was a fat man in a black suit with a yellow pocket-hanky stuffed in the right breast pocket that had a long black beard and a bottle of beer in hand. He was seemingly brooding there in his little corner, no happier than anyone else to be there.

On a red couch sat a beautiful blond woman in a tight red dress with a glass of wine in her hands. She was scowling at everything and everyone, especially the fat man. Next to her on the couch was a man who was her mirror image in everyway except he had shorter curly blond hair. They had to be twins. And if so, the man was obviously the mellower of the two, since he was practically sprawled on the couch in his grey suit, his red tie loose around his neck. On the far end of the couch was the ugliest little man Gendry had ever seen, which is saying something considering he grew up in Fleabottom. But he was dressed nicely and made the two children, a blond little girl and boy, laugh and smile with his words. So Gendry figured he must at least be a nice guy on the inside.

On another couch, watching the flat screen TV above the fireplace with a wormy lipped smile as on the screen, some dude beat the holy hell out of another man was a blond boy dressed in color clashing red, gold, and black. He couldn't be any older than eleven, yet just by the look of him Gendry could see he was probably a little asshole. He would steer clear of that one for the rest of the evening, he decided.

In another corner was a boy who looked liked Gendry had a few years ago, only with huge ears. Gendry could guess that was Edric Dayne, his little half-brother.

Who could forget those ears, right?

Everyone looked up from whatever they had been doing before then when Stannis and Renly entered the living room.

"Stannis," The fat man called. "Glad you could make it." He said with enthusiasm that was clearly for show. "Come, have a drink with me. You, too, Renly." He said, and that he said with genuine eagerness.

Stannis was just declining, and Renly agreeing with his easy smile, when the relaxed blond twin guy's eyes widened and asked, "Who's that?"

Everyone's eyes landed on Gendry. He shifted uncomfortably.

"This is Gendry." Shireen said, grabbing Gendry's hand and dragging him further into the living room. "He lives with us at Dragonstone." She announced. Only Edric's eyes became alight with recognition.

"Gendry!" He exclaimed, hopping up from his seat and rushing over to him. "It's been so long. How have you been? You're really living with Uncle Stannis? That's so cool; I'm living with Uncle Renly! We should get together and hang out sometime—I have a bunch of video games!" He said with so much excitement and vigor that it kind of scared Gendry. He took a step back.

"Uh, sure, maybe." He replied. "If it's okay with Uncle Stannis." He added, looking to his uncle for assistance. Stannis seemed to understand, because he told Edric that Gendry was far too busy now that school had started and that they could see each other when the holidays started again in the winter.

Edric was disappointed, but before he could protest any, the blond woman spoke.

"Is he another one of Robert's bastards?" She asked with an icy voice.

"Yes, Cersei. He is." Stannis answered simply.

"Then why is he with you?" The blond man next to her asked.

There was a long pause. "His mother died several months ago." Stannis said finally, and anything anyone else had to say on the matter, they seemed to swallow, and then looked away uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry for your loss." The impish man said. Gendry nodded. "Thank you."

Stannis sat in an armchair near Robert's along with Renly, and Selyse sat herself down awkwardly near Cersei. Gendry didn't know where to sit, but thankfully Shireen and Edric basically dragged him over to sit with them in a corner and talk. Edric talked a lot about how happy he was to see their father, and Gendry forced himself to nod in agreement because he realized how naïve Edric was and didn't want to upset him. Shireen spoke a lot about her books. She loved reading a lot, sadly due to a lack of friends and fictional characters were like her friends. She seemed to really enjoy Edric's company.

When a member of the staff announced dinner was ready, everyone quickly moved to the dining room, many noisily complaining, "_Finally!_" and grumbling. Gendry sat once again next to Edric, with Stannis on his other side. Sadly, across from his sat Joffrey, the color-clashing blond kid.

Thankfully, the first course went by smoothly. Everyone had someone to talk to it seemed, someone they at least partially liked, so there were no confrontations. Well, unless you count witty passive-aggressive banter, but Gendry found that more entertaining than as anything.

But why the second course, it seemed certain people were ready to address the elephant in the room.

"So, Gendry, do you have any other relatives?" Cersei asked. Gendry looked at her with confusion at her sudden interest in him as he chewed his chicken. He swallowed and quietly replied, trying to keep his eyes on her and not down at his plate (Stannis had been training him out of that for months now; Gendry never had been good about talking to adults he didn't know without becoming timid all of a sudden), "No. My grandparents are dead, and my mom's uncle is senile. And I don't know where my mom's brothers are." Cersei nodded, seemingly understandingly, while cutting her meat, but then said, "But surely you could track them down. Maybe go live with one of them."

At that suggestion, Cersei received a few sharp looks. One from her brother, Tyrion, another from Renly, and another from Stannis.

"Leave the boy be." Tyrion whispered harshly. Cersei huffed and went silent, though she cut her food with more force than necessary. Gendry got one she meant though. She didn't want her husband's bastard so close to home, right at their dinner table. One was bad enough, but two…Gendry went back to his food quietly, knowing now where he and Cersei Lannister stood.

A few minutes later, after he swallowed a chicken leg whole seemingly, Robert opened his big fat mouth, much to Gendry's agitation.

"You've grown since I last saw you. When was that? A year ago? Two?" He asked.

"Four." Gendry replied, poking at his greens and not looking up.

"What was that? Speak up, boy. And Look me in the eyes." Gendry sighed, put down his fork, looked up to meet his father's eyes and repeated, "Four, sir. Four years."

Everyone but Robert seemed to hear the calm fury in his voice but Robert.

"Four years, really? Ha, then you really have grown. Say, do any sports? When I was your age I played football and field hockey. Best years of my life, I tell ya. What about you? Football, basketball? Oh, don't say track and field—that's for pansies!" Robert said, and Gendry braced himself for more torturous conversation.

"I don't do sports, sir. I go to a magnet school for the arts." He answered. Robert just looked at him for a moment. "The arts? Like drawing pictures and dancing?" He asked, and Gendry nodded.

"Gendry makes the prettiest sculptures." Shireen interjected. "He did one over break for his summer project. It was of a bull, and made of metal scrap and junk that Gendry just found, but he managed to make it look so cool. It was an angry bull charging, horns at the ready." Shireen further explained. "It was so good, his teachers had it put in a local gallery."

"Really now?" Renly said, sounding genuinely interested. "Which one?" He asked.

"Tobho Mott's. He's a teacher at my school, but he keeps a galley on the side. He puts students' works in there all the time. It's no big deal."

"Oh but it is," Tyrion said. "You should be proud of yourself, Gendry. This is a great big step towards becoming a real, recognized artist—you are planning to be an artist, correct?" He questioned. Gendry shrugged, swirling his mashed potatoes nervously.

"I'm not sure. I like art a lot, and building things…maybe I'll be an architect or something." He replied, and everyone seemed to have an opinion on that.

Gendry was a little overwhelmed by all the attention he was getting all of a sudden. The little ones kept asking questions out of curiosity about his art, and the nicer adults kept trying to talk to him about his future career choices, and Robert seemed utterly intent on convincing Gendry he should do a sport.

"Seriously, not one sport? Not even track and field?" Robert kept asking as if he couldn't believe it. Gendry could almost imagine him asking if Gendry really was his son or not.

"Yes, sir." Gendry kept answering. "I've never really been interested is all."

"Oh come on, if you haven't ever tried them, how do you know you don't like them?" Gendry could guess that was Robert's philosophy for everything from food to women. But he bit his tongue and kept that snide remark where it belonged, inside his head and not in Robert's ears. "I have gym class at the magnet school." Gendry said instead.

"Gym class is not the same as actual sport. Schools nowadays don't even let you kids play dodge ball. Real sports are when you're getting bumps and bruises and broken bones and drawing blood! Like football—now that's a good sport! Did I ever tell you the story of the time in high school when I scored ten touchdowns in one game?" He'd never told Gendry any stories, he thought angrily, but instead shook his head.

Only when the third course, dessert, rolled around, did Robert seem to forget about Gendry in favor of a chocolate Sunday. Instead, he started talking about the pros and cons of sprinkles and debated whether chocolate, strawberry, or chocolate was ice cream was better with Renly.

It got pretty heated.

After dinner, no one seemed intent on staying any longer than they had to. Stannis quickly had Gendry and Shireen saying their goodbyes to everyone, which was pretty awkward for Gendry. He managed to skip over saying anything at all to Cersei and Joffrey, as well as Jaime, at least, but he couldn't escape Robert.

His father patted him on the back a little too hard as he was saying farewell, told him once again to check out some sports and, Gendry guessed for the sake of at least sounding like a father, told Gendry to call him sometime. They both knew they wouldn't happen though, and Gendry quickly escaped back to Stannis' side.

* * *

Back at Dragonstone, the first thing Gendry did was rip off the horrid yellow sweater he'd been forced to wear all night. Then he hopped in the shower, brushed his teeth, and fell into bed, ready for sleep to take him any time. But there was a knock at the door.

When Gendry answered it, he found Stannis standing out in the hall with a grave expression.

"So," Stannis began uncomfortably. "About your father…" He trailed off.

"He's a fat bastard." Gendry deadpanned, feeling irritated just thinking about it.

"Agreed." Stannis said, and the two of them said goodnight before Gendry closed the door and collapsed back into his bed.

He was asleep in moments.

* * *

**A/N: Well, this is a long one! Sorry about that if you like these things shorter—if that's the case, just say so and I'll from now on keep them shorter. **

**So still nothing on the series name yet, and I have this idea for another spin-off, this one about Sansa's pregnancy, or one about Lonny and his first crush. **

**Anyways, you know the drill. Please review and check out my other stories, and see ya next time! **


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